How Chinese kids learn English

Apparently, women's hair don't grow in the winter...

Had by far, one of the most amusing China-moments just now as I had to stock up on some toiletries and headed to Watson's. Schwarzkopf hair mousse, check. Hada Labo toner, check. Clinicare intensive treatment for permed hair, check. Schick Intuition razor blades...where the fuck are the razor blades?

As I walked up and down each aisle, a Watson's staff came up to me, and asked if I needed any assistance.

Me: "Yes please...where are the razor blades?"

Staff A: "Ummm..." looks away to find another Staff B and shouts, "HEY, where are the razor blades?"

Staff B walks over and says: "Oh we don't have it."

Me: "You don't have it? Why? I buy it from Watson's all the time..."

Staff B: "Yeah but razor blades are seasonal items."

Me: "Sorry? Seasonal items?"

Staff B: "We only have it in stock in the summers. It only sells good in the summer and usually in the winter, everyone's wrapped up in thick clothing anyway."

Me: "Uh huh, interesting...so apparently, women's hair also don't grow out in the winter right?"

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

If any one of you know someone who knows someone at Hutchison Whampoa, A.S. Watson's Group, specifically in Marketing/Product Inventory departments, please kindly revert the following:

1. Seasonal items should include Christmas, New Year, Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year, Easter, Ching Ming, Dragon Boat, National Holidays...and so forth.

2. I understand the meaning of "localfying to market's needs", but I can assure you that one shelf space to carry a smaller inventory of razor blades will be profitable for business. Foreign consumers are less than 25% of the China market but you'll have 100% of the foreigners going to Watson's to buy razor blades.

Thanks. I still need razor blades by the way. Apparently my hair doesn't grow according to seasons.

The Art of Bitching

Is it just me...or have you been also experiencing China Mobile's "不在服务区" connection errors? All of a sudden, the conversation blacks out (you hear them, they can't hear you). Or in the middle of calls, the line is completely cut off. And when you're making a call, you keep getting a busy tone...

...perhaps, its just me. But for the past months, it's been happening to 80% of my calls. Bad luck or not, it's been annoying the eff outta me and i'm completely FED UP. With a reliance on China Mobile - for work or play - this basic necessity, should...provide the most basic requirement...to be ABLE to make a bloody phone call.

And if it was just me...then I can understand that something is wrong with my phone or SIM card. But NO...apparently, that's not the case. More than a handful of people I know have complained, blacked out, disconnected, in conversations as well.

With this in mind, I called China Mobile's complaint service. And crap, I should had thought twice before making that call. For the past 7 days, they've been calling me on a daily basis...even more than my mom calls me. That, is A LOT of calls back and forth.

Being called and asked repetitive questions, doesn't work well with me. That's just like asking a baby..."awww, are you hungry??", "do you want to be picked up?!?", or "you just make doo doo?"...the answers are usually pretty straight forward. Baby hungry, feed it - you'll know. Baby wants to be picked up, PICK IT UP - it'll be happy. Did it just make doodoo...touch/feel/smell its butt - it's THAT direct, no? And for Christ sake China Mobile, you guys have been calling and asking the same questions OVERRR AND OVERRR AGAIN. screw me please. I filed a complaint for a reason...

1. Numerous disconnections while in call.
2. No outgoing signal.
3. Blackout conversations.

Can anyone who works there READ?

Fast forward one week, and after numerous Q&A sessions: I get this feedback from them:

"Hi Miss. XX. I'm calling you regarding your complaint. We've looked into your situation and want to let you know that our network has no problem at all. Have you still been experiencing the disconnections?"

Ironically...that call was interuppted and disconnected mid-way. So you tell me, have I still been experieincing disconnection problems?

Operator calls back. Continues to say..."China Mobile's network is fine."

At this point, I've lost all patience, politeness, and poise. "Look. You're telling me the network is fine. I'm telling you your network is NOT FINE. Back and forth for one week, I've been getting calls from you guys, asking the same questions by different people...as a consumer, I have a problem, and yet noone is providing a solution or suggestion. So...us going back and forth, is a complete waste of my time. We're like little kids arguing...was there the chicken first, or egg? The question doesn't have an answer, and if you guy's can't provide any solution then STOP CALLING ME THANK YOU VERY MUCH."

The operator, stunned and speechless, kindly apologized and offered to rebate ￥50 in my next phone bill. After 7 days and 14+ phone calls, apparently my time was worth ￥50. I'm not filing another complaint again to China Mobile. Yes, there are moments that one girl's just gotta learn how to bitch...and know when to bitch. Apparently it works well here...but it's also really really tiring.

20 (Nosy) Questions

You know...there's always been one thing that I find really amusing about the Chinese.

It's the way how people can ask you the most, simply nosy blunt, and curious questions. Those semi-small-talk conversations strike up by neighbors, taxi drivers, coworkers, ayis...the people that you work/communicate with on a daily basis...who you're somewhat personal with (but not really). It's one of those occasionally awkward moments that...I really don't know what to say.

And it seems as if lately, I've been surrounded by a swarm of them. Is my life really that much different than yours? (No, but okay...maybe a little bit.)

Does it really interest you if I learned how to use forks and knives at 4 or 8 years old? (Is it something I should put in my resume?!?)

Or how old my mom is? (Old enough to also be your mom.)

How much I earn, or the amount of housing allowance I get? (HELLO THERE...a little privacy please? This is really, REALLY quite personal...and I bet even my dad doesn't remember know.)

Why are you single? Let me find you a guy! (My all-time favorite. Thank you!! I never knew that supermarkets had an aisle selling "boyfriends".)

Sometimes, I throw out a random answer and ask them the same question back. "Oh, I'm makin ￥6000. AND YOU? How much is your mortgage? Is your husband making enough for the two of you?" And their looks are priceless. The shock and realization that common courtesy SHOULD in fact be common...isn't really a common thought. They never expected to be answering sharing their 20 answers and I get my, "aha! gotcha back biatch!!" moment. (*giggles*)

And, ironically because they know you've been "overseas", there has been occasions that I've been asked the most innocent questions, holding accountability with my exact word-to-word answers, i.e.:

• "Are all Americans rich? They seem to all know how to drive and own a car."

• "Are all Europeans lazy? I heard that back home, they get like 2-3 hour lunch breaks and have the entire month of August as summer holidays?"

• "Do foreigners have gold colored hair down there?"

In Chinese culture, the art of talking, is really an art. Yet...innocence plus curiousity, is really an amusing and charming combination...sometimes.